SPN 2x22 AHBL part 2, again

[vaznetti]

My "real" comments on the episode are here; under the cut is just emotional stuff, not analysis.

The thing is, I really wanted John back. Really. And I knew it wasn't going to happen, because JDM isn't an idiot and has his career to think of, but I wanted John back, with his sons, living his life. And so it was a wonderful episode, and I loved it, but it also left me feeling sad and empty. Because I wanted something the show was never going to give me -- something the show couldn't give me.

And it was the ending the character needed -- but the fangirl in me is still kicking and screaming and shouting "No!" like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

So in my fantasy world... well I don't know. At least, in my fantasy world, he could stay a little longer.

Comments

[vaznetti]

It was like losing him all over again! All that stuff came flooding back. And -- I mean on the one hand I understand that John got to move on, and that's a good thing, but on the other, what about his relationship with Sam? Because Sam was so much on the outside, there, and in a way I wonder whether he was ever a real person to John at all? And what kind of fallout will there be from that -- and how will it be settled, now that John can't come back for teary hugs?

(By the way, I think I will write my Kripke'd fic as an AU)

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

but on the other, what about his relationship with Sam? Because Sam was so much on the outside, there, and in a way I wonder whether he was ever a real person to John at all?

God, yes, exactly. Now you're going to make me cry for real.

I said to Lum, I think John couldn't touch Sam, because John had found grace and Sam had been cast out. But I still hate it. And I think it has to be so hard for Sam to face the idea that his dad was okay with the idea that Sam might have to be euthanized. What we saw last night didn't heal me in that regard, and now I'm angry that John will never have a chance to make amends for that.

Ugh. I may have to watch their hug in Shadow about 50 times now.

[vaznetti]

I said to Lum, I think John couldn't touch Sam, because John had found grace and Sam had been cast out.

Oh my goodness, I hadn't even thought of that. That's awful.

What I did start to think was that maybe Sam isn't John's son after all -- that he belongs to the Demon, or to some other thing, and always has, and that John knows this now, even though Sam doesn't.

And I think it has to be so hard for Sam to face the idea that his dad was okay with the idea that Sam might have to be euthanized.

I know. I... I just... gah. I don't even know what to say about this.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

What I did start to think was that maybe Sam isn't John's son after all -- that he belongs to the Demon, or to some other thing, and always has, and that John knows this now, even though Sam doesn't.

I know, I've been afraid of this for a long time, and the scene with Mary recognizing the YED made me suspect it even more. And maybe Sam suspects it, too, and that's why he didn't tell Dean what he saw. The last thing he'd want to ever have to tell Dean is that they aren't really brothers, not completely.

*sobs*

[vaznetti]

I am doing my best to think of this as a fic-writing opportunity. Sam needs closure too, damn it! Sam still has issues!

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Yes, you absolutely should consider this a fic-writing opportunity!

Maybe when Sam asked if he had Demon blood in him, he wasn't talking about the blood ritual the Demon performed on him, but was making an intuitive leap based on the YED saying it was "better than mother's milk."

[vaznetti]

I really want Sam to be John's son, but we're left with this huge gap in their relationship -- and I want to think that the show will address it, but maybe not.

You should considerthis a fic-writing opportunity as well, of course. As a friend used to say about X-Files -- they're not plot holes, they're fanfic opportunities!