SPN 2x22 AHBL part 2, again

[vaznetti]

My "real" comments on the episode are here; under the cut is just emotional stuff, not analysis.

The thing is, I really wanted John back. Really. And I knew it wasn't going to happen, because JDM isn't an idiot and has his career to think of, but I wanted John back, with his sons, living his life. And so it was a wonderful episode, and I loved it, but it also left me feeling sad and empty. Because I wanted something the show was never going to give me -- something the show couldn't give me.

And it was the ending the character needed -- but the fangirl in me is still kicking and screaming and shouting "No!" like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

So in my fantasy world... well I don't know. At least, in my fantasy world, he could stay a little longer.

Comments

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

I wanted him to stick around, too. In fact, after Ellen & Bobby managed to close the doors and he was still there, I got my hopes up. Sadly, it was not to be.

[vaznetti]

::sniffles:: I know -- for a second I thought he might really get to stay. But of course he couldn't.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Aw, but he's with Mary now. Somewhere. That's what I like to think. And there can always be flashbacks.

[vaznetti]

I know it was the best wrap up for the character. But my inner fangirl wanted MORE. You know how that goes.

[vaznetti]

but he's with Mary now. Somewhere. That's what I like to think.

Assuming, of course, that Missouri was wrong -- or misspoke herself, or something -- back in Home, where she made it sound like Mary was completely gone, used up, destroyed, not moving on to some other world. If that's true, it would kind of suck.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Yeah, babe, I know. I swear, I was feeling so angry with him at the end of the episode, and it took me about an hour to realize, I'm angry with him just like any kid whose parent leaves them. I'm angry with him for being gone. It was too good to see him again and then it was over, just like that, and now we really have to accept it.

Can I throw a temper tantrum with you?

[vaznetti]

It was like losing him all over again! All that stuff came flooding back. And -- I mean on the one hand I understand that John got to move on, and that's a good thing, but on the other, what about his relationship with Sam? Because Sam was so much on the outside, there, and in a way I wonder whether he was ever a real person to John at all? And what kind of fallout will there be from that -- and how will it be settled, now that John can't come back for teary hugs?

(By the way, I think I will write my Kripke'd fic as an AU)

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

but on the other, what about his relationship with Sam? Because Sam was so much on the outside, there, and in a way I wonder whether he was ever a real person to John at all?

God, yes, exactly. Now you're going to make me cry for real.

I said to Lum, I think John couldn't touch Sam, because John had found grace and Sam had been cast out. But I still hate it. And I think it has to be so hard for Sam to face the idea that his dad was okay with the idea that Sam might have to be euthanized. What we saw last night didn't heal me in that regard, and now I'm angry that John will never have a chance to make amends for that.

Ugh. I may have to watch their hug in Shadow about 50 times now.

[vaznetti]

I said to Lum, I think John couldn't touch Sam, because John had found grace and Sam had been cast out.

Oh my goodness, I hadn't even thought of that. That's awful.

What I did start to think was that maybe Sam isn't John's son after all -- that he belongs to the Demon, or to some other thing, and always has, and that John knows this now, even though Sam doesn't.

And I think it has to be so hard for Sam to face the idea that his dad was okay with the idea that Sam might have to be euthanized.

I know. I... I just... gah. I don't even know what to say about this.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

What I did start to think was that maybe Sam isn't John's son after all -- that he belongs to the Demon, or to some other thing, and always has, and that John knows this now, even though Sam doesn't.

I know, I've been afraid of this for a long time, and the scene with Mary recognizing the YED made me suspect it even more. And maybe Sam suspects it, too, and that's why he didn't tell Dean what he saw. The last thing he'd want to ever have to tell Dean is that they aren't really brothers, not completely.

*sobs*

[vaznetti]

I am doing my best to think of this as a fic-writing opportunity. Sam needs closure too, damn it! Sam still has issues!

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Yes, you absolutely should consider this a fic-writing opportunity!

Maybe when Sam asked if he had Demon blood in him, he wasn't talking about the blood ritual the Demon performed on him, but was making an intuitive leap based on the YED saying it was "better than mother's milk."

[vaznetti]

I really want Sam to be John's son, but we're left with this huge gap in their relationship -- and I want to think that the show will address it, but maybe not.

You should considerthis a fic-writing opportunity as well, of course. As a friend used to say about X-Files -- they're not plot holes, they're fanfic opportunities!

[vaznetti]

And yes, let's throw a temper-tantrum together.

Wah!!!!!!

[subtly-modded.livejournal.com]

John totally clawed his way outta hell and is now on his way to heaven.

yes.

yes he is.

...i do wish he had said something, though. i mean, don't get me wrong, i almost cried, but still.

oh boys...

[vaznetti]

Intellectually, I know this, and think it was a good ending for the character. But I want John BACK, dammit. That's my inner two-year-old speaking.

[destina.livejournal.com]

Awww. I loved the way they did it, tho. If they were going to do it, this was the way, and I thought it was perfect. Tho I totally identify with your tantrum-throwing fangirl, too. :)

[vaznetti]

Intellectually, I know that this was the way it needed to happen -- but my inner fangirl is kicking her heels and crying "No! Want more!"

[saberivojo.livejournal.com]

I had to jump in because I miss John so much too. I really felt that maybe he would be able to hang around, in some way. All I can say is please, please keep writing the fic, because you are an amazing writer and if that is all I can have of John, so be it.
Everyone else has wonderful, thought provoking stuff about Sam and YED but I am in denial, have been for some time. About John, now Sam. The only thing that really saves me is that Sam can't be all evil, just can not. And he has Dean so...and I have wondeful fanfic writers who keep me in John fic. Again, sorry for the intrusion, I'm still in shock.