bona fide

[vaznetti]

I really love the fact that fandom is full of posts today in which we're all trying to reassure each other that we're real, or that we're who we claim to be, or whatever. Guys? I hate to say it, but I am only here until I've saved enough money to fake my death in real life and retire to a small Caribbean island.

So it looks like you're stuck with me a while longer.

And I only wish my job were a figment of my imagination, at least for the next week or so.

Comments

[eponin10.livejournal.com]

LOL. Though I have to say, if I get enough money to retire to a small Caribbean island, I'd just be here more.

[vaznetti]

You're right. I just can't think of faking your own death except in context of one of the great vaznetti family rules: never steal unless it's enough to fake your death and retire on.

[eponin10.livejournal.com]

*laugh* Yeah.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

heee!! er, I'll never tell.

[vaznetti]

We'll all keep it a secret, then.

[aceofkittens.livejournal.com]

What? Did another sockpuppet fake their death again? My flist is so boring!

[vaznetti]

Two! Actually, one faked a death, one turned out to have made a lot of really ridiculous claims about her achievements. Everyone feels very betrayed and sad!

You would help me fake my death on line if I needed to, right?

[phantomas.livejournal.com]

Oh gimme links, I love to read this stuff, it's like train wrecks!!!

*is sad, and knows it* ;)

[vaznetti]

See my comment in the next thread down -- there are links there to the fandom wank reports.

[rhi]

But you're definitely real. And good for you! Win the lottery and fake your death... hmm. Not a bad notion. I want to win the lottery and set up research scholarships to fund fanfic writers...

[vaznetti]

Shh! let's try to keep the fact that I'm real a secret!

[rhi]

So do I need to post this meme about how many people on my friends list can vouch for my tangibility? What *is* going on? What fandom?

[vaznetti]

The details are here and here (thank goodness for Fandom Wank!). One pseudicide and one false pretenses scandal. Very amusing.

[rhi]

Oh, Lord. Okay, thanks!

(Oh, and why tentacles? Roman cooking habits?)

[vaznetti]

rez_lo made it for me after she beta-read "Blackout Zone," because it had monsters with tentacles, and that amused her.

[eponin10.livejournal.com]

Ooo, ooo! If you do that, I want a scholarship to hang out all day in my jammies and write fanfic! *laugh*

[rhi]

::grins:: I was thinking of Sleeps With Coyotes for the first one, but we can talk about second.

[dagnylilytable.livejournal.com]

This made me smile on a day where I seriously need that. Thanks.

[vaznetti]

It sounds like it's been rough on you. ::hugs::

[veejane.livejournal.com]

I think that you, Santa, and Mighty Mouse are all conspiring to convince the world that I really exist.

..actually, you all are doing a good job. It's a very convincing simulacrum.

[vaznetti]

You forgot the Easter Bunny. He's in on it too. Glad to know we're doing a good job, though.

[muridae-x.livejournal.com]

You're not real? But I've met you!

Or was that just the actress-double that you hired for the day?

[vaznetti]

Exactly! She did a good job, too, I thought.

[muridae-x.livejournal.com]

I knew I should have been more suspicious of the fact that she looked a lot like the image I'd built up of you in my head. People so seldom do look the way you think they're going to in reality...

[phantomas.livejournal.com]

Of course you're not real. Didn't you know? It's all in my head, That's what the nice men with the white coats say anyway :D

[vaznetti]

Aha! I've often wondered whose imagination I was a figment of. I feel much better now.

[aceofkittens.livejournal.com]

Um, I thought mine?

Or am I the excuse for your whole way of life?!!

[vaznetti]

Wait. I thought I was the excuse for your whole way of life.

[k2daisy.livejournal.com]

I don't know you, I have never met you, I have never spoken to you before.

But I would still help you hide a body. Anytime!

[vaznetti]

You are a true friend! Even to those of us who are (ahem) imaginary.

[camille-is-here.livejournal.com]

Aha! Well, once you've faked your death and retired to the carribean, will you sneak us your new identity so we can pretend we don't know you?

If I say I'm not real, do I still have to pay the student loans?

[vaznetti]

If I say I'm not real, do I still have to pay the student loans?

That's why it's important to fake your death in RL and not just on the internet. A friend of mine from grad school used to preface most of her decisions with "since I don't have enough money to fake my death and disappear, I guess I'll..."

So if I create sockpuppets before the pseudicide, and then keep using those puppets, are they still puppets or can they then become core identities? This is a confusing philosophical question, now that I think about it.

[camille-is-here.livejournal.com]

The problem with faking your death in rl, though, is that it startles the relatives when you show up for birthdays.

The problem with sockpuppets is the crushing humiliation when you realize that your whole circle of friends is really just you.

[vaznetti]

The problem with faking your death in rl, though, is that it startles the relatives when you show up for birthdays.

Have you tried staggering around, drooling a bit and moaning about brains? I think that might reassure everyone at family events. or at least it would give them a handy explanation for what you're doing there.

The problem with sockpuppets is the crushing humiliation when you realize that your whole circle of friends is really just you.

Ha!

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

Yours in my favorite response so far to the "I'm real" kerfuffle! *g*

[vaznetti]

I've seen a fair number of good ones on my flist -- one of my friends had to admit to being the Queen of Sweden, rather than a tewnty-something girl from New Jersey.