Fic commentary - Call and Response (HP)
Nov. 27th, 2005 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaznettiIn honor of my still not having gone to see GoF, here's a commentary on Call and Response, which is a missing scene from the novel. Viktor/Hermione. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kristenk2 asked for this.
This is the only non-crossover HP story I've ever written. Once I get my act together and go see the movie, I might write more, as I have a fondness for this pairing. I like this story a lot. I wrote it because it seemed to me that the Yule Ball date between Hermione and Viktor rather comes out of nowhere -- we never see them together -- and it interested me -- how did Viktor first notice her? What made him as her to go to the ball with him, rather than a Durmstrang girl? How does she become important to him?
Call and Response
by Vanzetti
I hate this title with a firey passion. I just never could come up with a better one. I think it may be the worst title I've ever used. It has nothing to do with the story.
Victor Krum had been told that being a Seeker wasn't just speed, skill and nerve. A good Seeker had to be able to see things before his opponent did. A great Seeker had to be able to see things no one else could ever spot.
So the Seeker thing is a giant anvilicious metaphor in this story, although I think it's a giant anvilicious metaphor that works well for Viktor's character, and I'd use it again if I were to write him again. And you know, you'd think I could have worked a better title out of it, too.
He spotted her on her way to the gamekeeper's hut. True, he had seen her before, her and the red-haired boy who followed Potter everywhere. But at that moment the sun, breaking through the high Scottish clouds, touched her hair with the color of dark honey and she turned, pink cheeked with her eyes flashing, and said something that made the two boys walking with her laugh. When he felt then, he had only felt before when catching sight of the flash of gold against the green of a Quidditch field.
Maybe he was the great Seeker they said he was, he thought. After that he kept his eyes open, watching the girl, Hermione Granger, the same way he watched Potter and his other rivals, the same way he watched Karkaroff.
I like that Viktor doesn't know how to see Hermione except as a target, even though he knows that's not what she is. And I love the moment when he first notices her, like the sunlight itself.
Although watching Hermione was different: he never felt the breath catch in his throat when he saw the real Karkaroff. The scowl faded from his face at the notion; a brown haired girl hovering nearby thought his expression was meant for her and edged up to ask him to sign her notebook. When he looked up again, Hermione was frowning at him across the library. He ducked his head to keep her from seeing him smiling.
It strikes me as obvious from the book that part of his interest in her is grounded on her utter lack of interest in him, or in Quidditch at all.
After the Yule Ball was announced, Karkaroff called him into his cabin. "This Ball of Dumbledore's," he said. "It is important to make a good impression. You will take Elena as your partner."
White-skinned, black-haired Elena. Everyone could see how beautiful she was. Everyone knew that she was related, somehow, to Elisabeth Bathory. Karkaroff probably thought that Viktor dreamed about Elena, like every other boy in Durmstrang. Karkaroff, Viktor thought, probably dreamed about her himself. He could have her. Viktor scowled at him and waited to be dismissed.
I really like the bits about Viktor's relationship with Karkaroff, how he feels that Karkaroff is using him in a self-promotion exercise, and his resentment of Karkaroff's attempts to control him. And to Viktor, Hermione is freedom from all that, from all the Durmstrang politics and the ordinary pressures of being a world-wide sports celebrity while still being in school.
Oh, and IIRC Elisabeth Bathory was a Hungarian noblewoman accused of being a vampire -- I think there's something about bathing in the blood of virgins, stuff like that. I figured she'd fit right in to the Durmstrang world order.
He loathed Karkaroff. Fawning all over him in public, like some girl, and ordering him around in private. Karkaroff had ensured that Viktor made no friends at Durmstrang. Practice, practice, always more practice. "You need to work harder, Viktor, if you want to be a great Seeker." He'd show Karkaroff. He'd show Karkaroff what a great Seeker could do.
He tracked Hermione Granger down in the restricted section. She was standing in front of a bookshelf, taking one volume after another down from the shelves, paging through each one and then replacing it. He stood there, suddenly dry-throated. She looked up to frown at him and then immediately returned her attention to the book in her hands.
My GIANT howler in this story -- Hermione shouldn't be in the Restricted Section, and neither should Viktor. What was I thinking? I could change it easily enough, but I don't revise stories once they're posted, so here it is, howlers and all. Just imagine they're off in the stacks, somewhere unrestricted but obscure. (Oh, in academic-speak, a howler is a wildly mistaken answer to a question or problem.)
Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea. He tried to leave, but his feet felt pinned to the ground. While he stood there, wishing he could run, she looked up again. "What?"
"Herm-- Herm-eye-" Her name had always flowed so easily in his mind; to stumble over it now was excruciating. "Vill you go to the Ball vith me?" The words came out in a jumble, rushing over each other.
As an aside, I really hate the way Rowling wrote Viktor's accent. I don't much like the phonetic representation of accents, to be honest, in anything written. (Also, doesn't it assume a reader who doesn't have that kind of accent?) But I certainly make use of Viktor's doubts about his English in this story, so I guess I can't complain over-much.
"What?" she said again.
Maybe she hadn't understood. He said it again, more carefully. "The Yule Ball. Vill you go, vith me?"
He watched, entranced, as her face turned bright pink. "You want me to go to the Ball with you? The Yule Ball? But I don't even like you!"
I love this line. Hermione is so unprepared for this that of course she says something horrible yet honest. I hope she doesn't come accross as mean here-- she's just a somewhat tactless overintelligent teenage girl. Have I mentioned my deep and abiding sympathy for Hermione recently?
He felt himself in free-fall, felt himself hitting the ground, all the breath knocked out of him as if he'd fallen off his broom in the middle of the game, how humiliating, with a crowd watching him. And his feet still weren't moving to let him run away.
"Drat," she said. "I'm sorry. I mean, we don't even know each other. We aren't friends, or anything."
"I vould... I vould like to know you. To be your friend."
And frankly, it's a miracle he doesn't give up on her.
She turned even redder. "What about those girls who follow you around?"
He felt a familiar scowl on his face. "Them! Herm-eye... Hermy..." He gave up on her name. "I come to the library, every day, to see you. Not them. I think you are..." Wonderful, his mind supplied. Beautiful.
You know, back when I expected to write more Viktor Krum I asked my Russian Source for a good Slavic diminutive for "Hermione." She came up with Gemusha. I need to write more of this pairing, if only to use that as a nickname.
She was staring at him with her mouth half-open.
"If you haff already... vith Potter, or another friend..."
"Oh," she said. "Oh, no. It isn't... You want to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
His English couldn't be that bad, could it? "If you vould like to."
A smile broke out on her face. He smiled, tentatively, in answer. "I would," she said. "I'd like that very much."
He felt his smile turning into a grin, pulling his face into an unfamiliar shape. "That is... that is vonderful." She stared at him so intently that he had to look away. "Vat?" he asked.
You know, when I wrote this I'm sure I knew exactly what Hermione was thinking. Now? Not so much. I do hope it wasn't something uncharitable about his accent.
"Nothing." Her smile, when he looked into her face again, was still there. "Well," she started.
"Vell," he said at the same time, then caught himself and smiled again. "I haff practice now. To fly."
"Me too. I mean, I have to finish what I'm working on. Not flying, obviously."
Again with the awkwardness. Because they're teenagers.
"I vill see you? In the library?"
"In the library," she agreed.
He backed away, reluctant to turn around, until he bumped into a bookcase and hit his elbow.
I am absolutely convinced that, once off a broom, Viktor is a complete klutz. I do not know why I believe this, but I do.
She grinned at him. "Bye," she said.
He smiled back and rubbed his elbow. "Bye." Even the thought of breaking the news to Karkaroff wasn't enough to wipe the smile from his face.
End
The thing about the Potter books is that so much happens off-screen, so to speak, because Harry isn't there to see it. And the Viktor/Hermione friendship/romance thing is part of that, which is why it's so much fun to write. Also, I really, really need to go see GOF.
Oh, and to clarify what I wrote before -- I don't care for film commentaries, because the actors etc. are talking over the dialogue; in a commentary on a piece of fanfic, I can read the story and the commentary together, which I love, because I like to read what other people have to say about the choices they've made as they write.
kristenk2 asked for this.This is the only non-crossover HP story I've ever written. Once I get my act together and go see the movie, I might write more, as I have a fondness for this pairing. I like this story a lot. I wrote it because it seemed to me that the Yule Ball date between Hermione and Viktor rather comes out of nowhere -- we never see them together -- and it interested me -- how did Viktor first notice her? What made him as her to go to the ball with him, rather than a Durmstrang girl? How does she become important to him?
Call and Response
by Vanzetti
I hate this title with a firey passion. I just never could come up with a better one. I think it may be the worst title I've ever used. It has nothing to do with the story.
Victor Krum had been told that being a Seeker wasn't just speed, skill and nerve. A good Seeker had to be able to see things before his opponent did. A great Seeker had to be able to see things no one else could ever spot.
So the Seeker thing is a giant anvilicious metaphor in this story, although I think it's a giant anvilicious metaphor that works well for Viktor's character, and I'd use it again if I were to write him again. And you know, you'd think I could have worked a better title out of it, too.
He spotted her on her way to the gamekeeper's hut. True, he had seen her before, her and the red-haired boy who followed Potter everywhere. But at that moment the sun, breaking through the high Scottish clouds, touched her hair with the color of dark honey and she turned, pink cheeked with her eyes flashing, and said something that made the two boys walking with her laugh. When he felt then, he had only felt before when catching sight of the flash of gold against the green of a Quidditch field.
Maybe he was the great Seeker they said he was, he thought. After that he kept his eyes open, watching the girl, Hermione Granger, the same way he watched Potter and his other rivals, the same way he watched Karkaroff.
I like that Viktor doesn't know how to see Hermione except as a target, even though he knows that's not what she is. And I love the moment when he first notices her, like the sunlight itself.
Although watching Hermione was different: he never felt the breath catch in his throat when he saw the real Karkaroff. The scowl faded from his face at the notion; a brown haired girl hovering nearby thought his expression was meant for her and edged up to ask him to sign her notebook. When he looked up again, Hermione was frowning at him across the library. He ducked his head to keep her from seeing him smiling.
It strikes me as obvious from the book that part of his interest in her is grounded on her utter lack of interest in him, or in Quidditch at all.
After the Yule Ball was announced, Karkaroff called him into his cabin. "This Ball of Dumbledore's," he said. "It is important to make a good impression. You will take Elena as your partner."
White-skinned, black-haired Elena. Everyone could see how beautiful she was. Everyone knew that she was related, somehow, to Elisabeth Bathory. Karkaroff probably thought that Viktor dreamed about Elena, like every other boy in Durmstrang. Karkaroff, Viktor thought, probably dreamed about her himself. He could have her. Viktor scowled at him and waited to be dismissed.
I really like the bits about Viktor's relationship with Karkaroff, how he feels that Karkaroff is using him in a self-promotion exercise, and his resentment of Karkaroff's attempts to control him. And to Viktor, Hermione is freedom from all that, from all the Durmstrang politics and the ordinary pressures of being a world-wide sports celebrity while still being in school.
Oh, and IIRC Elisabeth Bathory was a Hungarian noblewoman accused of being a vampire -- I think there's something about bathing in the blood of virgins, stuff like that. I figured she'd fit right in to the Durmstrang world order.
He loathed Karkaroff. Fawning all over him in public, like some girl, and ordering him around in private. Karkaroff had ensured that Viktor made no friends at Durmstrang. Practice, practice, always more practice. "You need to work harder, Viktor, if you want to be a great Seeker." He'd show Karkaroff. He'd show Karkaroff what a great Seeker could do.
He tracked Hermione Granger down in the restricted section. She was standing in front of a bookshelf, taking one volume after another down from the shelves, paging through each one and then replacing it. He stood there, suddenly dry-throated. She looked up to frown at him and then immediately returned her attention to the book in her hands.
My GIANT howler in this story -- Hermione shouldn't be in the Restricted Section, and neither should Viktor. What was I thinking? I could change it easily enough, but I don't revise stories once they're posted, so here it is, howlers and all. Just imagine they're off in the stacks, somewhere unrestricted but obscure. (Oh, in academic-speak, a howler is a wildly mistaken answer to a question or problem.)
Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea. He tried to leave, but his feet felt pinned to the ground. While he stood there, wishing he could run, she looked up again. "What?"
"Herm-- Herm-eye-" Her name had always flowed so easily in his mind; to stumble over it now was excruciating. "Vill you go to the Ball vith me?" The words came out in a jumble, rushing over each other.
As an aside, I really hate the way Rowling wrote Viktor's accent. I don't much like the phonetic representation of accents, to be honest, in anything written. (Also, doesn't it assume a reader who doesn't have that kind of accent?) But I certainly make use of Viktor's doubts about his English in this story, so I guess I can't complain over-much.
"What?" she said again.
Maybe she hadn't understood. He said it again, more carefully. "The Yule Ball. Vill you go, vith me?"
He watched, entranced, as her face turned bright pink. "You want me to go to the Ball with you? The Yule Ball? But I don't even like you!"
I love this line. Hermione is so unprepared for this that of course she says something horrible yet honest. I hope she doesn't come accross as mean here-- she's just a somewhat tactless overintelligent teenage girl. Have I mentioned my deep and abiding sympathy for Hermione recently?
He felt himself in free-fall, felt himself hitting the ground, all the breath knocked out of him as if he'd fallen off his broom in the middle of the game, how humiliating, with a crowd watching him. And his feet still weren't moving to let him run away.
"Drat," she said. "I'm sorry. I mean, we don't even know each other. We aren't friends, or anything."
"I vould... I vould like to know you. To be your friend."
And frankly, it's a miracle he doesn't give up on her.
She turned even redder. "What about those girls who follow you around?"
He felt a familiar scowl on his face. "Them! Herm-eye... Hermy..." He gave up on her name. "I come to the library, every day, to see you. Not them. I think you are..." Wonderful, his mind supplied. Beautiful.
You know, back when I expected to write more Viktor Krum I asked my Russian Source for a good Slavic diminutive for "Hermione." She came up with Gemusha. I need to write more of this pairing, if only to use that as a nickname.
She was staring at him with her mouth half-open.
"If you haff already... vith Potter, or another friend..."
"Oh," she said. "Oh, no. It isn't... You want to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
His English couldn't be that bad, could it? "If you vould like to."
A smile broke out on her face. He smiled, tentatively, in answer. "I would," she said. "I'd like that very much."
He felt his smile turning into a grin, pulling his face into an unfamiliar shape. "That is... that is vonderful." She stared at him so intently that he had to look away. "Vat?" he asked.
You know, when I wrote this I'm sure I knew exactly what Hermione was thinking. Now? Not so much. I do hope it wasn't something uncharitable about his accent.
"Nothing." Her smile, when he looked into her face again, was still there. "Well," she started.
"Vell," he said at the same time, then caught himself and smiled again. "I haff practice now. To fly."
"Me too. I mean, I have to finish what I'm working on. Not flying, obviously."
Again with the awkwardness. Because they're teenagers.
"I vill see you? In the library?"
"In the library," she agreed.
He backed away, reluctant to turn around, until he bumped into a bookcase and hit his elbow.
I am absolutely convinced that, once off a broom, Viktor is a complete klutz. I do not know why I believe this, but I do.
She grinned at him. "Bye," she said.
He smiled back and rubbed his elbow. "Bye." Even the thought of breaking the news to Karkaroff wasn't enough to wipe the smile from his face.
End
The thing about the Potter books is that so much happens off-screen, so to speak, because Harry isn't there to see it. And the Viktor/Hermione friendship/romance thing is part of that, which is why it's so much fun to write. Also, I really, really need to go see GOF.
Oh, and to clarify what I wrote before -- I don't care for film commentaries, because the actors etc. are talking over the dialogue; in a commentary on a piece of fanfic, I can read the story and the commentary together, which I love, because I like to read what other people have to say about the choices they've made as they write.
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Date: 2005-11-28 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 02:15 pm (UTC)I like this story too. It's so rare that I get to write happy things, you know?
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Date: 2005-11-28 10:37 am (UTC)I love this story just as much as when you first posted it, and I like reading your thoughts on their reactions. I wonder how you'll find the movie's Viktor! I pictured the actor in your scene now and it worked for me. The actor's not physically the type I had imagined from the book, but he does look very Slavic and I was happy with him. He did the brooding, attentive thing very nicely, which helped. Granted, I'm of the opinion that no young girl should *ever* have to be subjected to Ron Weasley's brutal level of cluelessness, so I'll root for any competition he gets, particularly from a brooding, attentive, Slavic gentleman. It'd be nice if the movie would inspire you to write more. :)
(Deleted and reposted because it occurred to me my icon could be vaguely movie-spoilery.)
no subject
Date: 2005-11-28 02:14 pm (UTC)I rarely think of this story, so I forget how sweet it is, and how much I like it. But I do like it! And I'm so glad when other people like it too!
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Date: 2005-11-28 09:34 pm (UTC)*laughs* Oh, it was nice to read this again, so soon after coming back from seeing the movie. It's sweet, and clutzy, and so true in its teenage awkwardness.
I rather hope that GoF does inspire you to write more fiction in that universe. I've loved pretty much everything you've done there.
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Date: 2005-11-29 02:41 am (UTC)And thanks. I forgot how sweet this story was, myself.