Roman Politics as a Fandom

[vaznetti]

So, Cicero and Pompey are, like, major BNFs. Cicero wrote the great epic that influenced everyone's view of canon (secretly, he prefers his version to canon, but don't we all) and Pompey wrote a set of very, very popular romances (although he's always been upset because his stuff never gets recommended on the really prestigious rec site run by Cato). They're good friends, even though each is a little jealous of the other. Then Caesar comes onto the scene, and his view of canon totally clashes with Cicero's. Pompey doesn't care about that kind of thing, though, and he's thrilled when Caesar starts beta-reading his stories -- and Caesar is really talented, so everyone can see the difference, and even Cato starts to pay Pompey a little more attention. Anyway, he finally puts Pompey on his friends list, since Pompey has had Cato's journal friended for, like, years.

Cato secretly hates Caesar, but he can't deny that the guy's got talent, and he knows it would look kind of petty not to recommend his fic.

Oh, and there used to be another BNF in this fandom, Crassus, but he sent some of his RPF slash to the actors and... you know, we don't really talk about Crassus any more.

Anyway, things are kind of tense between Cicero and Caesar, but Caesar makes a real effort -- he comes across one of Cicero's old wish lists and writes a story just for him, and he starts trying to get his view of canon to merge with Cicero's a little more. And Cicero is totally flattered, and he starts planning another major epic, which is going to include Caesar's OTP, and he makes show commentary posts in which he makes a big deal about the things that he and Caesar agree on, and starts quoting his opinions and stuff. Total love fest. They're on IM all the time.

So this makes Pompey really sulky, and it pisses Cato off, too, because he hates the thought of Caesar and Cicero getting to be such good friends. So Cato starts recommending Pompey's stories -- even his old stuff, from before Caesar started beta-reading for him. And you know, Pompey's just over the moon, and he feels totally vindicated, and he starts talking about how he doesn't need Caesar's help any more, and they have a huge fight in IM, which everybody knows about even though it's supposed to be private.

Now, at this point, Pompey and Caesar are totally bitching about each other in locked posts. And you know how it is with locked posts, nothing is really secret, and anyway, Cicero is on both their lists. Then some of the people on Pompey's friends list kind of goad him into making some rude comments about Caesar in public; meanwhile Caesar's friends keep asking him what he's going to do about it.

Things are getting really tense, especially when Curio, who has a lot of talent, makes a big, public post about how he's defriending Pompey and a bunch of his closest friends. Then Antony, one of Caesar's friends, starts flaming Pompey's stories and demanding that he apologize for the things he's been saying about Caesar. Plus he wins a major award that Domitius, one of Pompey's friends, thought he had totally stitched up. A lot of people say that the voting was rigged.

So Cicero, who had been totally gafiating for most of this time, comes back and he's all, "hey, what happened? why can't we all just get along?" And Caesar's all, "hey, don't worry about it, no one expects you to pick sides," but by then Pompey's friends are massively pissed off, and they're all, "the hell you say -- you totally have to pick sides!" because they've all just defriended everyone who has Caesar on their flist, and Cicero knows that if he doesn't do it too, Cato will never rec his stories again, and that really matters to Cicero, even though he gets tons of feedback, even from people who support Caesar...

Yeah. Poor Cicero. Poor me, because this metaphor broke down about three paragraphs up. Oh, and this is totally not aimed at anybody in RL fandom. It's all resmin and selenak's fault.

Comments

[kerlin.livejournal.com]

GENIUS.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Best. Post. Ever.

[bardsmaid.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. And so true of fandom life. The subject of each fandom may be different, but what goes in within them is so much the same. Human nature, as usual (and for better or worse), wins out in the end.

[vaznetti]

And even more oddly, so true of Roman political history.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Okay, you totally win at fandom today.

[vaznetti]

Thank you!

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha. I am dying with suppressed laughter.

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

You rock so much.

[reginaspina.livejournal.com]

OMG, I love you! This is sheer genius – and I can totally see Cato’s IMs in my head (and they probably all nitpick grammar and stuff, right?) Snerk!

[vaznetti]

Oh, Cato's IMs! And the filtered posts where he rips stories to shreds! Especially Pompey's stories!

Yeah, it's all too easy to imagine.

[rez-lo.livejournal.com]

because they've all just defriended everyone who has Caesar on their flist

::blots coffee off screen::

::fangirls you::

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

My knowledge of that era and especially the behind-the-scenes action is limited but THIS IS FAN-TASTIC aka OMG!!!*squeeeeeE*1!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE.

[jood.livejournal.com]

Oh my dear god, I adore you.

[tripoli.livejournal.com]

Uh. Wow. That's something substantially beyond awesome. Well done.

[muridae-x.livejournal.com]

This is the point at which I need to start kicking myself for missing the opening episode of Rome this week, isn't it?

Brilliant stuff. I would be falling about laughing, if I wasn't still at work and trying to maintain a little decorum in an open plan office.

[vaznetti]

None of this stuff in in Rome -- they decided that political history was too complicated, I think. Although you should be watching it anyway, since it's good fun.

It's vaguely flattering to know that I nearly made you embarrass yourself at work!

[selenak.livejournal.com]

resmin and I should be given public awards for inspiring this masterpiece, I say.

[vaznetti]

Oh, absolutely! I bow before your inspiration.

[meridym.livejournal.com]

Fooking brilliant!

[se-parsons.livejournal.com]

This is totally wonderful. I wish I could have used something like it back when I was teaching because it would have really connected with the kids.

[vaznetti]

I'm not quite prepared to come out to my students, I fear. But it's fun to write this kind of thing.

[rhi]

::laughing:: O gods, that's good. Thanks for posting it!

[vaznetti]

You're welcome -- it sounds like you needed a pick-me-up, after the day you had.

[shezan.livejournal.com]

There's nothing secret about Cato's hatred for Caesar. hell, Cato has been running polls for months on his LJ to drum up hostility against Caesar!

And Cicero may have been boasting of IM'ing Caesar all the time, but half the time Caesar had IM on Stealth mode, because frankly, that Cicero just talks and talks, and never gets, like, the point. And Pompey thinks he's Cassie Claire, but he totally isn't.

[vaznetti]

What amazes me is that no one is willing to point out that Caesar's main character is a totaly Mary Sue!

And yeah, you're right about Cato -- and when Caesar's friends are up for award, he campaigns against them.

[darcydodo]

You are genius! :)

But, umm, what does gafiating mean?

[vaznetti]

"gafiate" is an old-style fannish term for "take a break from fandom" -- it comes from the initials of "Get Away From It All." My fannish dinosaur roots may be showing.

[k2daisy.livejournal.com]

Oh, you KILL me.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!! Oh man, this is priceless.

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

I love this. If my old Latin teacher were alive, I'd email her the link.

[fairestcat]

*dies*

Oh, this is brilliant.

(here after seeing it recced half a dozen places)

[tabula-x-rasa.livejournal.com]

*dies*

This is so... true. You win at fandom and the internets.

Got here via musesfool, BTW.

[delurker.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

My joy at this post is touched with sorrow, because I desperately want to send my Cicero tutor the link but she would have no idea what BNFs, defriending and gafiating were. Wah for the impenetrable yet ever-so-useful dialect of fandom!

[vaznetti]

I write this kind of thing because I can't quite bring myself to put it this way when I lecture. But isn't it a perfect fit?