"I would have invited Sirius Black, but I don't know where he is."

[vaznetti]

Further crossover madness. This one's for eilanhp. We're obviously channeling each other.

In which Marita tries to cover her tracks, and Snape is not flattered.



Title: Meeting in Hogsmeade
Author: Vanzetti (vanzetti @ populli.net)
Category: HP/XF snippet
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Yet again I must state that the XFiles universe and the Harry Potter universe are the property of other people and organizations.


Her contact was waiting on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. "You're late again, Covarrubias. Some of us have hordes of screaming children to control."

"It's Sunday, Snape," she responded. "You don't teach today. The fresh air will do you good."

"I sincerely doubt it. Are those the new samples?"

She handed over the warded container. "Are you making any progress?"

"I believe I understand the way the consciousness melds itself to the matrix of the oil. It's quite ingenious."

"It's dangerous," she said.

"The most interesting things are, I find. If that's all?"

"A question, Snape," she said. He turned back to her in a whirl of black. She took a deep breath. "Narcissa is making a large party for Lucius. I must appear, and I must appear with an escort.

He tilted his head to one side. "Are you asking me to be that escort, Covarrubias?"

"Not for any romantic reasons, I assure you. But I must bring someone."

"How flattering."

[she says something about his suitability.] "Don't be awkward, Snape, please. I know you have no more interest in me than I have in you, but I need an insider and you've gone to some trouble to ensure that Lucius considers you pliable."

"Not bad, Covarrubias. Insult and blackmail. Unfortunately for you, I intend to have other plans that evening. Why so desperate, anyway? Narcissa must have found you someone especially dreadful."

"I need to distract her," she answered.

Watching Snape think was less enjoyable when his intelligence was focused on her own life, Marita found. She could almost see him raising and discarding possibilities. "It isn't someone she's found, is it? It's someone you've found. Who is it, a Gryffindor? No, it would be worse than that. A Muggle-born?"

"Worse."

"A Muggle? I see why you're desperate enough to ask me."

"Your ability to combine rudeness with self-pity never ceases to amaze me, Snape. I thought you might be interested in whatever Lucius is planning."

"Lucius only has one plan, and I already know it. Your problem, however, interests me."

"I've already had a full dose of horror mixed with prurient interest from Narcissa, thank you. As you've given me your answer, could we consider the subject closed?"

"I might change my mind, Marita," he said.

"To be perfectly honest, I'd forgotten how unpleasant you can be when I decided to ask you."

Snape barked out a laugh. "I had no idea you were capable of perfect honesty. Very well. If nothing else it will generate a refreshing amount of confusion."

"You mean..."

"Have you become an idiot? Your desperation touches my heart. I will aid and abet this deception of yours."

"You are only doing this to gain an advantage, aren't you?"

"What else would you expect?" he said. "I doubt we will meet before the party itself. Until then?" He bowed slightly before turning to go.

"Until then," she told his back.


I can't shake the feeling that I'm quoting Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles here, but that might just be Snape's tone. Also and more worryingly Patrick O'Brian. Because this is not going to turn into a Stephen and Diana roadshow. Oh no. I have an OTP to protect.

Comments

[se-parsons.livejournal.com]

Totally IMHO, and unsolicited commment.

My only comment is Snape's capacity for self-pity is really fanon, not canon. In the books Snape only feels thwarted, in a "I would have succeeded, if it wasn't for you pesky kids" sort of way. But fan convention has him all mopey and feeling sorry for himself. I have never thought he actually does. He feels other people are fucking him over, but he never feels sorry for himself. He's an anger ball, not a self-pitier.

[vaznetti]

I tend to agree, although I think Snape also has a strong sense of the unfairness of the world. I'm not sure his comment here is actually meant as self-pity either. But I do think that Snape is not a good looking man (in canon), that he knows this, and that he doesn't really care. But he knows as well that he's not exactly at the top of anyone's hot date list, and that's what the comment was meant to reflect. (In canon, that is. Fanon Snape is a Love God.)

Re:

[se-parsons.livejournal.com]

Snape seems to have put his effort in areas other than appearance. He's very Sydney Carton-esque in that. However, he's not a big mope like Sydney Carton.

I think he knows that he's not anybody's dream date, but I think he most likely thinks that's because EVERYONE ELSE IS STUPID. And they are denying his essential hotness. Snape's got this bizarre good self-image despite the fact that he shouldn't have. And, while I don't remember Rowling saying anything about it, the folks in the movies have made him a bit of a dandy. And I don't think this is out of character. He dresses to impress and uses his appearance to his own advantage in many respects.

This is just a tiny fic-snippet, after all. You can't fit the whole personality in. It's just a fic peeve of mine in fic. I don't buy mope-Snape except for the five minutes after he's handed a massive defeat..

[vaznetti]

I think he knows that he's not anybody's dream date, but I think he most likely thinks that's because EVERYONE ELSE IS STUPID.

This I'm less certain about. It may be a question of interpretation. I don't think Snape really cares how he looks (visually) to others so long as they acknowledge that he's smarter than they ever could be. He cares about looking stupid, not about looking ugly. I agree that he uses his appearance to advantage, but I don't think that his physical appearance itself is ever the focus of his attention; I doubt, too, that he has much respect for people who would judge him by his appearance rather than his intelligence.

Re:

[se-parsons.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with your assessment here.

The people we hear talking about Snape's appearance, as in everything in the books, are Harry and Harry's cohorts (and Harry's dad's cohorts).

I don't think Snape much cares, he is focussed on the intellectual and anybody hooking up with him would be hooking up with the mind and not so much the body. But he does know he's scary looking, at least to little kids, and does his best to maintain that with the all black and the swooping. (I think this is why so many people have latched onto the gray nightshirt scene in GOF, because it is unusual and shows his vulnerability.)

I have a theory that this is largely because he's either the youngest or one of the youngest teachers at Hogwarts. And he doesn't have the instant authority of somebody with a long white beard. So if he scares the shit out of you, which he also enjoys because it's about power over you, he never has class discipline problems. And it's more than that, too. Snape likes being a badass, it's clear when he "duels" with Lockhart and all that. And his rep for knowing so much about the Dark Arts back when he was a student. He has embraced his scary and creepiness and makes it work for him, which is a positive attitude about it. He's actually wildly optimistic about everything in his own negative way.

He's such a freak. I love him so.

[eilanhp.livejournal.com]

Whild this is not canon, it is also not NON-canon, meaning that canon doesn't contradic this opinion (Snape pitying himself).

I loved this snippet. Thank you for writing it Vanzetti. Can we hope for more?

[vaznetti]

I laughed when I saw Snape/Marita on your "pairings to write" list. Glad you liked it. And yes, I'll be playing around in this universe for a while, I suspect.