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Religion and Proselytism
::takes a deep breath::
I've been talking about religion off and on with various people on livejournal over the past few days, and "listening" to other livejournal conversations on the subject. Then, earlier today had an encounter with a Well-Meaning Proselyte. Well-Meaning in the sense that I don't think she was trying to offend me, and I decided not to be offended by it.
One of the things that struck me as I read was the difficulty of certain Christians in understanding why others can find proselytism offensive; equally, it seems to me that just saying, "Why can't you see that it's offensive?" doesn't get us anywhere. So here an attempt to explain why I find Christian proselytes offensive in principle, rather than annoying. This may just be me, of course; other people, Jewish, atheist, pagan, whatever, may well read this and think, "Nope, that's just her. What a nut!"
The offense isn't to me. I can smile and brush off the suggestion, or explain politely that I'm not interested, and generally people will understand that and and leave me alone. People who keep trying to persuade me are another matter, but again, I'm capable of cutting off a conversation that I don't want to have.
The offense stems from the suggestion that there is something missing in my life because I do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and that because of that, I am Not Right With God. Again, the offense is not to me, personally--there are any number of ways in which it's very likely that I am Not Right With God, although I would maintain my failure to embrace Jesus as my savior is not among them. And even granted that this be grounds for personal offense, I'm a grown woman and I can take a certain amount of abuse.
I feel differently about insults to my family; indeed, an earlier draft of this had "but no one insults my family," written in bold and all-caps. And the suggestion that I'm missing something implies that they too are (or were) missing something--and that is offensive to me. The mere suggestion that someone as good and kind as my grandmother, or my uncle who passed away over the summer, was missing something so intrinsic that if there is a Heaven she isn't there, merely because of her religion--that's deeply insulting to her. The suggestion that all my ancestors, no matter how they lived their lives, were somehow Not Right With God because of their religion is offensive. Even more so, the suggestion that the cousins who were lost in the Shoah were "missing" something. And even more than that, the suggestion that all those who died kiddush ha-Shem (for the sanctification of God's Name, that is, for their religion) died for nothing. That is unutterably, appallingly rude. Those people were Right With God. I know that in my bones. To suggest that I am missing something, because of my religion, is to suggest that all of them were missing something. That they were mistaken. That they were, in some deep way, wrong. Not only do I not believe that, I am offended by the very suggestion. Metaphorically, the invitation to become a Christian is an invitation to spit on my ancestors' graves. I would rather not, and don't think that this is a decision which requires further explanation.
I understand that Christians may disagree with me on all these points. Perhaps proselytes have a different definition of politeness, but I was taught that insulting other people's family members is unacceptable behavior. Small children do it because they don't know any better; as adults, we learn to keep some of our opinions to ourselves. As adults, of course, we are also free to choose to offend each other, and to ignore behavior which is offensive to us. I usually manage the second response, but wonder if it's wrong that I should feel obliged to. And then again, what is the appropriate response to a suggestion to which I react with such bone-deep horror?
So. Crazy? Incoherent? Offensive? I leave that to the rest of you.
I've been talking about religion off and on with various people on livejournal over the past few days, and "listening" to other livejournal conversations on the subject. Then, earlier today had an encounter with a Well-Meaning Proselyte. Well-Meaning in the sense that I don't think she was trying to offend me, and I decided not to be offended by it.
One of the things that struck me as I read was the difficulty of certain Christians in understanding why others can find proselytism offensive; equally, it seems to me that just saying, "Why can't you see that it's offensive?" doesn't get us anywhere. So here an attempt to explain why I find Christian proselytes offensive in principle, rather than annoying. This may just be me, of course; other people, Jewish, atheist, pagan, whatever, may well read this and think, "Nope, that's just her. What a nut!"
The offense isn't to me. I can smile and brush off the suggestion, or explain politely that I'm not interested, and generally people will understand that and and leave me alone. People who keep trying to persuade me are another matter, but again, I'm capable of cutting off a conversation that I don't want to have.
The offense stems from the suggestion that there is something missing in my life because I do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and that because of that, I am Not Right With God. Again, the offense is not to me, personally--there are any number of ways in which it's very likely that I am Not Right With God, although I would maintain my failure to embrace Jesus as my savior is not among them. And even granted that this be grounds for personal offense, I'm a grown woman and I can take a certain amount of abuse.
I feel differently about insults to my family; indeed, an earlier draft of this had "but no one insults my family," written in bold and all-caps. And the suggestion that I'm missing something implies that they too are (or were) missing something--and that is offensive to me. The mere suggestion that someone as good and kind as my grandmother, or my uncle who passed away over the summer, was missing something so intrinsic that if there is a Heaven she isn't there, merely because of her religion--that's deeply insulting to her. The suggestion that all my ancestors, no matter how they lived their lives, were somehow Not Right With God because of their religion is offensive. Even more so, the suggestion that the cousins who were lost in the Shoah were "missing" something. And even more than that, the suggestion that all those who died kiddush ha-Shem (for the sanctification of God's Name, that is, for their religion) died for nothing. That is unutterably, appallingly rude. Those people were Right With God. I know that in my bones. To suggest that I am missing something, because of my religion, is to suggest that all of them were missing something. That they were mistaken. That they were, in some deep way, wrong. Not only do I not believe that, I am offended by the very suggestion. Metaphorically, the invitation to become a Christian is an invitation to spit on my ancestors' graves. I would rather not, and don't think that this is a decision which requires further explanation.
I understand that Christians may disagree with me on all these points. Perhaps proselytes have a different definition of politeness, but I was taught that insulting other people's family members is unacceptable behavior. Small children do it because they don't know any better; as adults, we learn to keep some of our opinions to ourselves. As adults, of course, we are also free to choose to offend each other, and to ignore behavior which is offensive to us. I usually manage the second response, but wonder if it's wrong that I should feel obliged to. And then again, what is the appropriate response to a suggestion to which I react with such bone-deep horror?
So. Crazy? Incoherent? Offensive? I leave that to the rest of you.
no subject
And it's funny, because a lot of the people I've been in the world with, so to speak, do come from some of the big organized religions that require, if they were to practice strictly, that they think of me as lost, inferior, etc. either because I wasn't born into X religion or because I've rejected the one I was born into.
That's never bothered me. If any of my friends/classmates/coworkers/in-laws actually have thought that (or, more likely, felt it, because those kinds of knee-jerk reactions do come with the tradition in a lot of cases), they keep it private, or it's just not relevant, or they get over it.
no subject
Their religion "requires" prejudice, but they don't practice their religion strictly enough to fly in the face of the reality of the people they know. Or at least not enough to insult them.
I was still talking about the folks who feel they must evangelize at every opportunity. THOSE folks often don't socialize with people outside their group. They might work with you, but they don't become close friends with you, because it breaks their reality where you're evil and damned. And many groups DEMAND this of their converts, to shield them from challenge to their beliefs.
I had a pal convert to Mormonism when I was in Jr. High. She was taken out of public school and totally isolated from EVERYONE but Mormons for 4 years, so they could be sure she wouldn't backslide. She did anyway, because she STILL couldn't get around the fact that all her old friends were going to hell thing. But they certainly TRIED to fully indoctrinate her into their isolationist viewpoint.
NOTE: This might not be true of Mormons everywhere with converts, these are just the ones I've come into contact with.
no subject
Yes, and I found out from other commentary elsewhere that I'm actually harming the people around me, as well as myself, with my unbelief, which excuses the rudeness of telling me I'm gonna burn. And which makes the proselytizer extra brave, I guess, because I'm contagious or something.
no subject
If you're not WITH them, you're not only AGAINST them, but an active tool of Satan.