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Entry tags:
Religion and Proselytism
::takes a deep breath::
I've been talking about religion off and on with various people on livejournal over the past few days, and "listening" to other livejournal conversations on the subject. Then, earlier today had an encounter with a Well-Meaning Proselyte. Well-Meaning in the sense that I don't think she was trying to offend me, and I decided not to be offended by it.
One of the things that struck me as I read was the difficulty of certain Christians in understanding why others can find proselytism offensive; equally, it seems to me that just saying, "Why can't you see that it's offensive?" doesn't get us anywhere. So here an attempt to explain why I find Christian proselytes offensive in principle, rather than annoying. This may just be me, of course; other people, Jewish, atheist, pagan, whatever, may well read this and think, "Nope, that's just her. What a nut!"
The offense isn't to me. I can smile and brush off the suggestion, or explain politely that I'm not interested, and generally people will understand that and and leave me alone. People who keep trying to persuade me are another matter, but again, I'm capable of cutting off a conversation that I don't want to have.
The offense stems from the suggestion that there is something missing in my life because I do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and that because of that, I am Not Right With God. Again, the offense is not to me, personally--there are any number of ways in which it's very likely that I am Not Right With God, although I would maintain my failure to embrace Jesus as my savior is not among them. And even granted that this be grounds for personal offense, I'm a grown woman and I can take a certain amount of abuse.
I feel differently about insults to my family; indeed, an earlier draft of this had "but no one insults my family," written in bold and all-caps. And the suggestion that I'm missing something implies that they too are (or were) missing something--and that is offensive to me. The mere suggestion that someone as good and kind as my grandmother, or my uncle who passed away over the summer, was missing something so intrinsic that if there is a Heaven she isn't there, merely because of her religion--that's deeply insulting to her. The suggestion that all my ancestors, no matter how they lived their lives, were somehow Not Right With God because of their religion is offensive. Even more so, the suggestion that the cousins who were lost in the Shoah were "missing" something. And even more than that, the suggestion that all those who died kiddush ha-Shem (for the sanctification of God's Name, that is, for their religion) died for nothing. That is unutterably, appallingly rude. Those people were Right With God. I know that in my bones. To suggest that I am missing something, because of my religion, is to suggest that all of them were missing something. That they were mistaken. That they were, in some deep way, wrong. Not only do I not believe that, I am offended by the very suggestion. Metaphorically, the invitation to become a Christian is an invitation to spit on my ancestors' graves. I would rather not, and don't think that this is a decision which requires further explanation.
I understand that Christians may disagree with me on all these points. Perhaps proselytes have a different definition of politeness, but I was taught that insulting other people's family members is unacceptable behavior. Small children do it because they don't know any better; as adults, we learn to keep some of our opinions to ourselves. As adults, of course, we are also free to choose to offend each other, and to ignore behavior which is offensive to us. I usually manage the second response, but wonder if it's wrong that I should feel obliged to. And then again, what is the appropriate response to a suggestion to which I react with such bone-deep horror?
So. Crazy? Incoherent? Offensive? I leave that to the rest of you.
I've been talking about religion off and on with various people on livejournal over the past few days, and "listening" to other livejournal conversations on the subject. Then, earlier today had an encounter with a Well-Meaning Proselyte. Well-Meaning in the sense that I don't think she was trying to offend me, and I decided not to be offended by it.
One of the things that struck me as I read was the difficulty of certain Christians in understanding why others can find proselytism offensive; equally, it seems to me that just saying, "Why can't you see that it's offensive?" doesn't get us anywhere. So here an attempt to explain why I find Christian proselytes offensive in principle, rather than annoying. This may just be me, of course; other people, Jewish, atheist, pagan, whatever, may well read this and think, "Nope, that's just her. What a nut!"
The offense isn't to me. I can smile and brush off the suggestion, or explain politely that I'm not interested, and generally people will understand that and and leave me alone. People who keep trying to persuade me are another matter, but again, I'm capable of cutting off a conversation that I don't want to have.
The offense stems from the suggestion that there is something missing in my life because I do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, and that because of that, I am Not Right With God. Again, the offense is not to me, personally--there are any number of ways in which it's very likely that I am Not Right With God, although I would maintain my failure to embrace Jesus as my savior is not among them. And even granted that this be grounds for personal offense, I'm a grown woman and I can take a certain amount of abuse.
I feel differently about insults to my family; indeed, an earlier draft of this had "but no one insults my family," written in bold and all-caps. And the suggestion that I'm missing something implies that they too are (or were) missing something--and that is offensive to me. The mere suggestion that someone as good and kind as my grandmother, or my uncle who passed away over the summer, was missing something so intrinsic that if there is a Heaven she isn't there, merely because of her religion--that's deeply insulting to her. The suggestion that all my ancestors, no matter how they lived their lives, were somehow Not Right With God because of their religion is offensive. Even more so, the suggestion that the cousins who were lost in the Shoah were "missing" something. And even more than that, the suggestion that all those who died kiddush ha-Shem (for the sanctification of God's Name, that is, for their religion) died for nothing. That is unutterably, appallingly rude. Those people were Right With God. I know that in my bones. To suggest that I am missing something, because of my religion, is to suggest that all of them were missing something. That they were mistaken. That they were, in some deep way, wrong. Not only do I not believe that, I am offended by the very suggestion. Metaphorically, the invitation to become a Christian is an invitation to spit on my ancestors' graves. I would rather not, and don't think that this is a decision which requires further explanation.
I understand that Christians may disagree with me on all these points. Perhaps proselytes have a different definition of politeness, but I was taught that insulting other people's family members is unacceptable behavior. Small children do it because they don't know any better; as adults, we learn to keep some of our opinions to ourselves. As adults, of course, we are also free to choose to offend each other, and to ignore behavior which is offensive to us. I usually manage the second response, but wonder if it's wrong that I should feel obliged to. And then again, what is the appropriate response to a suggestion to which I react with such bone-deep horror?
So. Crazy? Incoherent? Offensive? I leave that to the rest of you.
no subject
He feels offended because he has chosen to reject their religions (yes, they aren't even the same sect of Christianity, yet they agree that he's going to hell). It's not like he hasn't done his time in bible study or hasn't thought deeply about it. He's offended that they treat him as if he's somehow ignorant when he knows the bible as well as they do even if he chooses not to attend church.
I get offended because I'm struck by the fact that they don't know me at all. They don't know that I'm not a good Catholic girl, all that they know is that I have not expressed an interest in their religion and based on that they think I "need" to accept Jesus as my savior. The arrogance is remarkable, and when you combine that with his mother's initial efforts to read religion into my life ("You're father is a carpenter, just like Jesus!" and "It must be great to have a birthday so close to our lord's" spring to mind), it's hard not to take offense.
For me, it has little to do with what I believe per se. It's more that I find it appalling and, like you, insulting that someone people who are not like them are bad people--because that's what his parents mean when they say that they're troubled that we haven't accepted Jesus as our savior. I agree, it's hard not to see that as an insult to one's family.
And actually, as an aside--I used to babysit for this uber-Christian family whose 6, 8, and 11 yr-old kids would tell the neighbor kids that they were going hell because they didn't go to their church. Seriously, they'd make these other little kids start sobbing. Wonder where they got that attitude from. *g*
no subject
Is it wrong to find that vaguely funny? Especially the thing about your birthday--does that make you more special?
I think it must be that much more difficult to deal with this kind of thing within the family, to people that you're basically stuck with no matter how much they insult you.