I had a hard-copy post (i.e., something I was scribbling in a notebook in the wee hours, when I could bear to think about it) back during the first IBARW about this. Primarily about how 'being able to pass' feels at times like I'm being...it's more than being 'ignored,' it's being 'deliberately not thought about.' Because there IS the sense of 'don't you dare protest; it's not the same! Go away now, you who have nothing to truly complain about' that comes from all sides. Sometimes I honestly do think I'd rather be obviously Not The Same, because it's also about how it twists something hard inside me every time someone assumes that I am some form of Christian -- something that's happened a gazillion times in a gazillion ways, without any thought at all that it might be otherwise, and makes me feel like I simply don't exist. And about how that twist turns into nausea when it's something said without thought by someone who damn well knows that I am not. It doesn't matter that more often than not, it's not done with deliberate intent to harm; what matters is that it's completely unconscious on their part, and that I don't feel like I am allowed to say, "Wait. Don't do that."
I grew up in possibly the most Jewish town on the East Coast outside of NYC, a town that gave us the first day of each High Holiday off from school because there would be that many students missing if they didn't. I grew up in a Reform temple, and am at the point where I consider my Judaism to be more cultural than religious. I've never had anyone call me a name outright. The only time/place I had people tell me Jew-jokes or make "oh yeah, well, he's a JEW" type comments to me (knowing that I'm Jewish) was while living in and around DC. I spend much of my LJ energy in December gritting my teeth and staying quiet, because I feel like it's a place that I SHOULD feel comfortable speaking up about how extremely uncomfortable I am, and yet I actually feel like I'd be glared at and waved off faster than I have been when I've attempted to speak up offline. I...have too many other thoughts, and I've only ducked online to check my e-mail, and what little time I have was so not meant to be spent on this, but screw it. I'm tired of being silent on just about everything that matters to me, so, yeah. It's not the same. But it's not nothing, either.
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I grew up in possibly the most Jewish town on the East Coast outside of NYC, a town that gave us the first day of each High Holiday off from school because there would be that many students missing if they didn't. I grew up in a Reform temple, and am at the point where I consider my Judaism to be more cultural than religious. I've never had anyone call me a name outright. The only time/place I had people tell me Jew-jokes or make "oh yeah, well, he's a JEW" type comments to me (knowing that I'm Jewish) was while living in and around DC. I spend much of my LJ energy in December gritting my teeth and staying quiet, because I feel like it's a place that I SHOULD feel comfortable speaking up about how extremely uncomfortable I am, and yet I actually feel like I'd be glared at and waved off faster than I have been when I've attempted to speak up offline. I...have too many other thoughts, and I've only ducked online to check my e-mail, and what little time I have was so not meant to be spent on this, but screw it. I'm tired of being silent on just about everything that matters to me, so, yeah. It's not the same. But it's not nothing, either.