I don't think I mentioned how much the first two paragraphs made me laugh, between Inara shoving John out one hatch and slamming it after him, and Zoe barring the other hatch on the other hand, wanting answers. There's just no escape. Poor John.

...gonna be awkward if she won't let him onto his own ship

Heee! But it's for his own good. Really.

Your small changes are spot-on as usual, imo. The addition to the last sentence perfects the cadence of the line precisely.